continued: not sure what to belive about her past? well theres a bit more.when were first brought up the numbers game we talked abiout her slutty firends and how some of them have 20 guys in less than a year, and even have a list of who and when so they keep track. shed say how gross that is. well after our first night when we talked about all this and shed just tell me i have nothing to worry about, i found a “diary” sort of in the top drewer of her dresser. i was NOT snooping, i know it sounds like it but it wasnt exaclty hidden. neways the diary was clearly written by some1 else and even dated to what would be her college days. it had like 4-5 pages only filled. one with a list of boys.and her name next to alot of them.even with months on with 3 guys at once and says birthday present.i wanted to be sick to my stomach. so i called her and asked her about it. she knew what i was gong to say before i could say it all because she literally just saw it alying around the other day but ddint think mucb of it. she assured me that it was just some dumb list that her friend made. boys they liked. she said she nver slept with ne of those guys or nething and sorry i had to see that and get freaked out. she didnt even know why she kept it she even had thing in like my girlfriend thinks so and so is so hot and is a sex machine etc.with goodluck to you on it.i was disturbed and brought this book up once more and she assured em that it nothing, a dumb list. she even got rid of it. ok well far fetched maybe.but girls do dumb stuff like that eh? it would be hypcritical to say ur friends list is gross and have 1 of ur say i have no deep dark past and have this list and not even try to hide it.when we would talk about number id kind of say wut i thought would be kind of high. she would never say for a while and it bothered me.shed say u have nothing to worry about. she ddint like to talk about and thought it was none of my business ( which i canrespect to a degree, but too much info has been given out and too many comments made imo) so she gave me **** once for holding information from her (not about my past but something else) and said she doesnt want me to hide nething from her and wants me to be open about everything because her douchebag ex of 4 years she had major trust issues with and i dont blame i was talking with her online and this conversation came up again. i toldher i loved her again, that we talka bout living together, marriage etc and she wants me to be open and honest that i want the same. i told her she basically told me that in almost 8 years im only the 3rd guy shes been with, and told me i was i asked wut the big deal is. so she asked me wut i thought the number was. i lowballed it a bit and after 2 guesses she told me wut numberi was and that she didnt tell me cuz it was so close to what i said i thought was high she thought id freak out.but i didnt freak out at all. her number was literally 1 under what i said.but i ddint care. i figure that seems logical for why she would get wierd before abd wouldnt want to tell me.basically her college days were alot different than how she is now, which shes said before.she lost her virigntiy kind of late but admitted she was dumb when she was young and believed what guys or people would tell her. i dont thinm bad of her, it wasnt a gross number just a bit surprising. she has 5 years on me and only a couple more people than me, which i expected. i mean i basically i ddint the same thing in that time span if i think about it so i cant judge.neways.she tells me all releived for a little while. then my mind start she lying.why so much effort to tell me this stuff? did she tell me a number only cuz its around what i wanted to hear? or really because thats what it is and she didnt tell me at first for the reason she told me? is it possible for a girl to sleep at a guys house, only make out with them decide im not gona sleep with this guy and pass out? why lie about it? why say dumb comments that suggest youve slept with some1 when u havnt? like i said past is the past sure, but i some1 u love wants to know, lying is not how to go about it.eventually that will ruin a relationship more.which bring me to thisi hvant brought this up or asked her nemore questions on it about 2-3 weeks. the last time i did was the morning we wnet to her hometown before i met her mother.i almost ddint go.i asked her about one the stories ive said above.she could tell something was bothering me, i was stressed about all this for like 3 weeks..and obv still am but i try my mdanest not to show it. she got upset with me that day. she was crying and angry even, i fet like a pile of ****. she said i was going to push her away. she felt i was playing mind games with her, manipulating her like her ex psycho bf. that she felt like i wanted her to tell me something that wasnt true. s

Digital music scores source: Dresser (Calling to Her Boy Just Once Again)

Way too long, didn’t read much of it, but was there a question in there somewhere?Blessings on your Journey!

Believe this: 1. No one is going to read or care about that wall of text.2. Your obsession with your girlfriends past sex life is neurotic, and is only exceeded by your poor spelling and grammar skills. 3. You posted this pile of pointless crap in the ‘religion and spirituality’ section instead of in ‘singles and romance’.4. You sound 15.

all i know isyou marry hersomeday down the roadsome guy is gonna walk up in front of you and her and your daughter and he is gonna say something really raunchy like “remember when you s______ me off and those 10 other guys on a bet for a pitcher of beer?”you are going to start throwing up right there and you are going to be waiting for this forever, until it finally happens. let her go

Yes you are pushing her away. You are way too obsessed with her life, while excusing your own. If you are going to worry about stuff like this, then you are not ready for any kind of relationship.